I’ve scraped together my last remnants of mental energy and completed the final exams. I believe the worst of it is behind me. I have a few minor assignments to take care of and to write my bachelor’s degree. All I want to do is vegitate.
I feel like my brain is a sponge, saturated with water, leaking from every corner. And yet I try to pour more into it. When I’m not in a plant-like state, I think about where I am in life. Saying goodbye to my childhood, welcoming a grown-up’s time. I’m downcast. I feel like a huge portion of my life is ending.
I enjoyed studying. I’m simply fed up with it. I spent twenty years of my life going to school. First elementary, then high school, now university. All I want to do now (apart from loving my wife) is to write and earn enough with it that I don’t need to perform any other job. And I can’t find the energy to do it.
Should I push myself and write by force? Or should I leave myself time to rest? How much time is enough time? I’m not sure I know how to rest. I don’t want to wait and realize my brain fell asleep on me.